Brian

The story of Brian is a pretty decent one.

Another one of my drunken nights led me to meeting Brian after the bar. For some questionable drunk reason I chose to speak to him in a British accent for the entirety of our meeting. Somehow he was charmed by my shitty accent and asked me to get drunken food at a RESTAURANT. Happily, I accepted knowing that I’d get a decent and FREE drunk meal, so off we went.

During our drunken meal I could not keep the act up, my crappy British accent had turned into a crappy broken British accent. 

I did whatever any drunk girl faking an accent would do — I asked every drunk person in the bathrooms what to do. Needless to say the verdict was to confess, and that I did by saying “I’ll do a Canadian accent for the rest of the night”. Eventually he said he knew I was not British by the amount of times I had asked him what he would do if I did not have an accent.

We eventually moved to my place where we had unreal sex. The only exception to this sex was that he had a H U M O N G O U S PENIS. Now I have had my fair share of large dick and this guy takes the gold medal in every category. We had to break at first because it could not fit completely inside me without a pain that was worse than my hymen breaking for the first (and only?) time.

The next morning when I woke up to the tanned, skater boy that Brian was I treated him to morning head – in return for the expensive drunken meal, and being so well-endowed. 

Riley

A couple of weekends ago I went out with the intention of getting blackout wasted and kissing a boy at the bar.

I dressed in a new outfit and made my way downtown with my close friends. When we first got to the bar it was fairly empty… so I did what any normal woman with the intention of getting ridiculously drunk would do — drank til I couldn’t remember how any of my drinks got in front of me. At one point I was making out with a boy who I would later discover was saved in my phone as Monster’s Inc… NOT A GOOD SIGN GUYS.

By the end of the night I was drunk and alone at the bar drinking my last beer amongst strangers and the next thing I remember is some guy buying me food and us drinking wine at his apartment. Needless to say I did not remember much that night, however in the morning I awoke next to a chubby government worker with a HUGE ego. My hangover kept me there for morning sex and horribly boring conversation, which led me to discover 40 concerned texts from all of my roommates asking my whereabouts. I ended up walking home with the remainder of my brutal hangover and sleeping for 12 hours straight into the next day.

Was the sex worth it? Probably not.

Was the story worth it? You tell me.

***The cherry on top of this story is that I later discovered it was his BIRTHDAY… after he friended me on facebook of course.

*Randall

Randall was new to my city. He was a year older and had just moved here to work at a high end phone company. When we first met he was at a bar alone, and I was wine drunk. We clicked immediately over our sassy personalities and mutual love of Game of Thrones and slushies. I invited him to attend a small get together at my house the next evening and he surprisingly came. Prior to the event at my house the two of us went for a walk to compare our compatibility with a clearer state of mind.

The two of us continued to get along and when he came over that night he was awkward around my friends, yet very social and kind. However, despite all of the positive qualities he held I still was not completely attracted to him. That night at the bar, after I had chugged an impeccable amount of liquor and kissed a different boy, Randall asked me to be friends with benefits for the summer. Only less than one month into summer, and one day knowing Randall I accepted, knowing that in the morning I’d run.

And that is exactly what I did. After having sex and eating greasy drunken food, I left in the morning knowing being someone’s friend with benefits was not something I needed. This is what I do – I run from various forms of commitment to avoid disappointment.  Three weeks later and Randall and I still speak occasionally, mainly on his terms because I don’t exactly think about him…showing my amount of attraction to him being very minimal.

Another one bites the dust

 

*Hunter

Hunter was another member of my Tinder club. He was good on paper and in text, however a total snore in person. I was honestly in shock the entire date that someone could be such a totally different person outside of social networking. The entire date consisted of him complaining about everything that was wrong in his life, as well as all the things that could be right if he had not majored in history.

Needless to say I basically galloped home from that date, excited to get a breath of fresh air and find something stimulating to do.

 

*Travis

I had first met Travis in the fall via one of my roommates on a double date with a friend of a friend, whom she had met at the bar. Nervous for my first ever blind date, I drank a few glasses of wine to avoid any potential awkwardness. At first glance I was unsure as to how I felt about him, but as our casual drinks went on he grew on me. The two of us drunkenly connected about past relationships and heartaches, as well as our families. By the end of the date I was so into him that I did not object when he went in for a kiss, and then an eventual makeout session. We exchanged numbers and after so he had texted me immediately and then for the entire week before we crossed paths again.

I was unsure about Travis due to his “bad boy” exterior and way with words. Despite my guard being up, I let him in, as well as inside me, after just a second date. Sex with Travis was fun, as was falling asleep in the arms of someone who made me feel as if I would be an important part of his life.

The next few weeks weren’t the same. Travis would bail on our dates and only wanted to meet if he was intoxicated or horny. Rather than holding on to someone who was clearly not the guy I thought he was, I let Travis go. It took a while for me to get out the potential of what Travis and I could have been (pending he kept his promises) out of my head, but it happened.

Last week I got a call from one of my roommates while I was out for dinner saying I had a guest waiting for me when I returned home. When I walked through the door and say Travis’ nervous smile and awkward wave, I didn’t react because I didn’t feel anything. If I were to feel an emotion at this time it would have been the sister to confusion: “what the hell”.

We went off into my kitchen where he asked me how I had been, and I had told him to cut to the chase. Travis went on to profusely apologize and claim he had changed over two seasons. I, however, was having none of it and simply thanked him for the apology, knowing it would change nothing between us. Before he left we made small talk for about two hours, simply catching up. He tried to make a move when walking out of the door, but unable to look him in the eye I turned it into a hug.

I know that if I had given in to Travis’ attempt to show affection I would have let him weasel his way into my life, as well as my bed, for the night. He says he is going to change and try not to be an asshole anymore, however I know in my heart that he’s not someone I could ever have a relationship with again.

A boy who unexpectedly became a part of my life in the fall will simply be a boy who I will continue to forget this summer. Sorry not sorry.

*Adam

Adam.

Adam was a boy I met on Tinder, who was quick to ask me out for drinks. I gladly accepted – with excitement that he was driving – and prepared for my date with no expectations. He showed up early, before I was ready, so my roommates watched him through the window as he kept nervously playing with his hair or pacing. When we met he leaned in for a hug, as if we were close friends, and began to drive to a French restaurant…which I did find strange for a drinking date.

After a pint of expensive beer, cheesecake, and conversation we both discovered that we were each comical and into similar hobbies. Throughout the date I felt as if he would be more of a close friend as opposed to a lover. At the end of the date he went in for a kiss, whereas I went for a hug. Awkwardly I began to step out of the car before deciding to give our potential romance another chance. On a whim I slid back into his car, closed the door, and went in for the kiss. He kissed me back, however I still felt little to nothing in the passion area. We went our separate ways and I went on to going straight to bed with a nice buzz from the beer.

I was comfortable on that date, and that was just it, I wanted to feel something more than just safe and content. He texted me the next day, however neither of us really pressed on keeping the conversation alive. Over a week has passed and I have yet to think about Adam romantically or really at all, and life is still going on as smoothly as ever.

Eric*

Eric happened on a Sunday. He managed to drunkenly as me on a date after talking on Tinder for nearly a week, and I accepted without much hesitation.

Eric was a 30-year-old Web Developer, who recently moved onto my street. A bit uneasy about the 9 year age gap, I tried to seem as very little interested as possible. After his drunken question on Saturday, we met up for a walk around our city — something which was most definitely his idea as that is nowhere near my idea of first date fun. After a long walk, and an even longer conversation with a man who was much more attractive in person, we parted ways.

No more than an hour later he texted me claiming he had a great afternoon with me, ending it with a total old dude “:-)”.

He has yet to muster up the courage to ask me on a second date, but I expect him to magically grow balls after a drink or three.

We’ll see. All I know for sure is we will not be sleeping together for a very long time…. HELLO Web Developer = Money Collector, if you know what I mean. All’s fair in love and golddigging, am I right? Just kidding. Partially.

D

*Cameron

Day 2 of Summer.

I met Cameron 2 years ago when we ended up on the same residence floor in our first year of university. Immediately attracted to hi, I knew I could never be with someone so dangerous and unsteady. Both first year and second year went by and the two of us did not develop a real relationship. In first year there were moments where we were close to releasing the sexual tension that was so clearly there, but neither of us made a move.

Flash forward to my birthday party this January where he came with his roommates. At the bar, after making out with one of his friends, he asked to buy me a drink. Drunk as a skunk and even more drunk off of his smile I happily accepted, leading to our first ever kiss. Years of foreshadowing to this event and finally I was getting kissed by a broken boy with a beautiful face. We ended up going back to his place, and well the rest is history.

So, when I ran into Cameron at the bar on Thursday, one look later and we were on our way to his place. He had me as soon as he had told his visiting brothers that I was a girl with whom he had a relationship with for a while now. Sex in his bed, sex in his roommates bed and I was done. At one in the afternoon I woke up beside him (with texts from Will), and after small talk and a lot of smirking we each got dressed and said our goodbyes.

I left his house knowing that this was going to be an interesting summer, whether he makes a second appearance in it our not.

*Will

Day 1 of Summer.

Today was the day I met Will. Well April 23rd to be exact.

We met on tinder (yeah yeah yeah), and I was weary about swiping right to him because he isn’t my typical ideal of a significant other. After swiping me back Will made the first move and messaged me. Although sometimes his responses took a while I still continued replying to him, and he began to grow on me immediately. There was something about the unknown of this type of guy that drew me in.

After a week of talking I eventually made the next move and suggested we hang out.

Two days later I was at his house, meeting his roommate and three cats, and eating pizza on Will’s bed. After smoking a joint we began to watch a movie, when he suddenly kissed me. Not only was he a good kisser he had facial stubble, aka one of my favourite ways to get a massage during a makeout. After at least an hour of foreplay I gave in and figured why the fuck not, it was summer after all.

I can say with confidence he is one of the most well endowed people I have ever hooked up with. Not only did he manage to last for a while, he ensured I was satisfied.  I ended up staying the night by accident and we left together in the morning because he was headed to work. He committed public PDA twice, something I have never really been comfortable with, but let it slide.

Confident that I would never text a boy of summer first, he ended up sending the first, giving me not only a boost of confidence but the idea that I was in total control.

We’ll see Will, we’ll see.

Why?

I had been considering the idea of creating a blog consisting of my sexual escapades for quite some time now.
With the arrival of summer I figured why not start during the most free period of my year? So here I am at 2AM writing my first post because I can’t sleep without getting my first two days of summer, as well as my first two boys of summer off my chest.

Some may disapprove of this but it is all things I’d say to my friends, so why not make it easier and get opinions from those in the public. No, my intention is to not have sexual intercourse with the boys I write about. Here you will find stories, text messages, and hey maybe even some cute quotes that gave me a stomach flip or two.

All names of these men will be changed, just out of the kindness of my heart. (And so they do not figure out that it is about them somehow lol)

To know more about me feel free to take a peek at my ‘About Me’, which will be posted in a day or two!

-D